Gavin Watches a Lot of Movies

...and has opinions on them

GavinMcWario

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Pretty much what it says on the tin - I'm Gavin (or at least that's what I'm calling myself), I watch a lot of (mostly horror) movies, and I figured I'd make a thread to talk about the ones I've seen so far this year and possibly the ones I see in the future, because I wanna try my hand at posting something here. So without further adieu, here's where my addiction to eating popcorn in a dark room has brought me throughout the first half of 2025! Tried to list them in roughly the order I watched them, but my memory is hazy on some of them, so some might be out of order or forgotten entirely.



Presence
The very first movie I saw this year, and definitely an odd one. Much like last year's In a Violent Nature, it uses the unique gimmick of being filmed primarily from the perspective of the movie's supernatural entity of choice - in this case, a mysterious ghostly presence haunting the house that our main characters have just moved into. Unfortunately, the titular presence is a lot more passive than In a Violent Nature's Jason-esque slasher, so instead of the lengthy tracking shots and slow-paced voyeuristic dialogue scenes being broken up by Johnny doing things to a human body that would make Art the Clown sit up and take notes, here they're broken up by shelves occasionally rattling really hard. Honestly, I'm not sure I'd even call this one a horror movie - it's more a thriller/drama that just happens to have a ghost in it.

That said, I didn't exactly hate it - it's definitely a completely different experience than the ads I saw made it out to be, but judged on the merits of what it actually is, the narrative is fairly compelling throughout and the final twist was so cleverly executed that it made up for a lot of my issues with the glacial pacing. And let's be honest, speaking as someone who sat through Night Swim last year, you can do a lot worse when it comes to horror movies with January releases. As long as you know going in that it's not going to be a standard haunted house movie and you're okay with that, it's probably worth a watch.

Companion
And on the subject of good horror movies with January releases, apparently this was one of them! Saw it in February myself, but looked it up and Google says it came out January 31st, so it just squeaks in under the deadline. Anyway, like last year's Abigail, this is one of those movies with a big central twist that happens so early in the movie and is so integral to the plot that it's nigh-impossible to discuss without spoiling it - which, much like with Abigail, is presumably why the trailers didn't even try not to spoil it. Still, in the interest of preserving the experience for anyone who somehow avoided all info about the movie but still wants to see it, I've put my full thoughts under a spoiler tag below.

Continuing her streak of starring in peak horror movies, Sophie Thatcher puts on an amazing performance as Iris, a robot girlfriend who discovers her true nature and finds herself fleeing for her life after her owner modifies her programming for his own sinister goals - and picking up his father's streak of playing a totally disgusting and pathetic antagonist in peak horror movies, Jack Quaid absolutely nails his role as Iris's incompetent self-absorbed incel of an owner. Seriously, they set out to make this guy the absolute most insufferably entitled manbaby loser possible, and by god did they knock it out of the park. Needless to say, there's some pretty obvious feminist themes in play here, what with Iris being treated by everyone around her as an object existing solely for the pleasure of an aggressively mediocre white man, as well as some subtexts about being trapped in an abusive relationship, as Iris struggles throughout the film with her programmed (but still entirely real to her) feelings for Josh even as he actively attempts to harm her and force her back under his control.

Okay, spoilers over. Tl;dr: awesome movie with a solid message, Sophie Thatcher slays, would highly recommend even to non-horror fans.

Heart Eyes
Look, highbrow arthouse horror and meaningful social commentary has its place and all, but sometimes you just want some shameless, glorious schlock, and Heart Eyes delivers on all counts. While obviously nowhere near the first Valentine's Day-themed slasher flick, Heart Eyes takes the innovative approach of attempting to be both a ridiculous campy slasher movie and a ridiculous campy Hallmark romance at the same time, and against all odds it pulls it off. Turns out you can in fact convince me to watch a shamelessly cliched romcom if you open it with four people getting killed in the first five minutes and promise there's going to be plenty more where that came from.

Admittedly, the writing didn't always hold up for me, but I think that was more of a personal taste issue - despite my best efforts to be open-minded, I just do not enjoy the style of humor a lot of romcoms employ, so the first third of the film leading up to the slasher part was a genuine trial of endurance for me as I tried not to cringe myself to death through every embarrassing social mishap. Once the plot kicked off in earnest, though, I really did find myself enjoying the chemistry between the leads and rooting for them to get together, so I guess that's another point in favor of it being my personal distaste for romcom tropes rather than actual bad writing or acting. All in all, had a blast with this one, so if you like a good slasher and also don't feel the urge to smash your head into a wall whenever a character spontaneously fakes a relationship to make their ex jealous, you'll probably enjoy this one even more than I did.

The Monkey
Longlegs was always going to be a hard act for Osgood Perkins to follow, but damned if he didn't surpass all my expectations. As opposed to the tense supernatural-thriller police drama of his previous hit, The Monkey is more of an absurdist horror-comedy - which is fitting, since the inherent absurdity and spontaneity of death is one of the core themes of the movie. I've heard some comparisons to Final Destination, but I'd personally argue the core appeal is very different - Final Destination deaths are more about seeing all the little dominoes of the Rube Goldberg machine line themselves up one by one until the payoff finally hits in one glorious catastrophe, while The Monkey is more about just picking a ridiculous cause of death out of a hat and making it happen, logic and physics be damned. If anything, I think the stronger Final Destination comparison is to the themes of survivor's guilt that the original movie was built around, albeit with The Monkey ultimately offering a more hopeful message about learning to move on from tragedy instead of letting it define your life. A bit offbeat in the usual Stephen King way, but a solid and memorable watch - and of course, a lot of top-tier deaths if you're a gorehound like me.

A Working Man
...Welp, guess the streak of good movies had to end somewhere. A Working Man is a Jason Statham movie, and the presence of Jason Statham is the only interesting thing about it. I literally didn't even remember the main character's name until the final act, and that was only because the bad guys did a big computer-hacking background check on him where they flashed his name on screen in huge letters. If it wasn't for that, it never would have even crossed my mind to call him anything except Jason Statham. I mean, I know I can't really complain - I went to this movie because I wanted to watch Jason Statham punch people for an hour and a half, and that's exactly what I got - but it doesn't even have the over-the-top ridiculousness I like to see from a Statham movie. There's no Transporter-style physics-breaking car stunts, no giant sharks being skewered on helicopter blades, no Beekeeper-esque invincible 90s action hero shenanigans, just a generic and predictable Taken knock-off. Even if you're a die-hard Statham fan, this one's probably not worth the price of admission.

Hell of a Summer
Another one on the less good end of the scale, but still a lot more enjoyable than Working Man. A pretty lighthearted slasher parody about a well-meaning but immature and socially inept camp counselor who finds himself the primary suspect when a masked murderer begins picking off the younger counselors one by one. The writing's good and there's some decent laughs throughout, but it skimps way too much on the violence for the kind of movie it's clearly trying to be. It genuinely feels like no one told the directors they were going for an R rating and not a PG-13, because like 75% of the death scenes cut away before the kill and even the ones that don't are pretty damn tame. I feel like there was some definite potential with the premise, but still a ton of missed opportunities throughout.

Sinners
I feel like it's way too early to be decisively calling something the best movie of 2025, but maybe this year I should make an exception, because how the hell do you top Sinners? An absolute god-tier soundtrack, damn near flawless writing and cinematography, a main cast who all feel likable and intelligent in a way far too few horror movies accomplish, a villain who perfectly treads the line of being sympathetic and charismatic while still being undeniably the bad guy... do I even need to keep talking about this one? I love it, everyone I've seen with any taste loves it, not really anything to discuss that hasn't already been said by a thousand other people more eloquent than me. If you haven't seen it, go see it, end of discussion.



And apparently there's a character limit, so continuing this in a second post!
 
Until Dawn
And on the complete opposite end of the quality spectrum from Sinners, a not-so-proud return to the Uwe Boll school of video game adaptations. Why do any actual research into the game you're basing a movie on when you can just churn out a generic script, skim the Wikipedia page for the game to pick out a couple key character names and concepts, then slap them in there and call it a day?

Okay, to be exceedingly fair, there is some actual potential in the original ideas here. The time loop structure with ever-changing and escalating threats is a compelling hook, and there are some genuinely cool and inventive deaths within the first half of the film, even if it does lose steam in the latter half when they suddenly realize "oh shit we're almost out of runtime" and skip straight to the final loop. Honestly, I think if they'd taken the Until Dawn branding off it and made it an original TV miniseries instead of a single film, with each loop getting its own episode, this could have been something amazing - but sadly, that's not what we got.

Clown in a Cornfield
Okay, we're getting to the good stuff again. Clown in a Cornfield is apparently an adaptation of a successful series of horror novels, and it's written and directed by the same guy who did Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, so I shouldn't have been nearly as surprised as I was that it had an actual coherent theme running through the whole thing. What initially appears to be a standard "dumb jackass teenagers incite the wrath of a supernatural killer by being dumb jackasses" plot takes an unexpected turn as it becomes gradually more and more obvious what kind of threat Frendo really is and what he narratively represents, and while the eventual grand reveal is hardly a shock by the time it rolls around, the way things ultimately wrap up is still mostly fulfilling, even if it does leave an obvious loose end for a possible sequel - there are still two more books to adapt, after all.

Ip Man
Needless to say, this isn't a 2025 movie, but I watched it for the first time this year so I figured I should give my thoughts for the sake of completeness. Pacing can be a bit all over the place, and it's obviously not going for strict historical accuracy, but any flaws are barely a footnote next to the sheer brilliance of the combat scenes. I remember watching the very first fight early in the movie and thinking "holy shit, this is a friendly spar and Donnie Yen looks like he's halfway through folding this dude's clothes with him still inside them, what's it going to be like when he's actually trying to hurt people?"

As it turns out, the movie was all too keen to answer that question. I don't know if I can fully articulate that answer with words instead of punches without losing some of the nuance, but try to imagine ten men being punched so many times in so many different places in the space of two minutes that if you held one of them upside-down afterwards, the powderized remains of his bones would pour out of his mouth like you were dumping out a box of cornflakes.

Final Destination: Bloodlines
From almost the very start of my horror journey, I've been a massive Final Destination fan, so you'd better believe I went nuts when I heard they were making a sixth one after all these years. I made a point of avoiding all reviews leading up to the release so they wouldn't influence my opinion one way or the other, I drove two hours to get to a high-end theater so I could watch it in 4DX for the wildest possible experience, and let me tell you, it was absolutely worth going the extra mile. Final Destination is already a formula that's borderline impossible to screw up beyond repair- even The Final Destination, as much as it deservedly sits at the bottom of every FD fan's rankings, has a handful of solid death scenes - so I'll admit even a mid-tier sequel probably would have been enough to satisfy me. Instead, what I got was bar none one of the best films in the entire franchise, maybe even the best. Every single death from start to finish was an absolute masterpiece, the entire theater was screaming and cheering throughout, and best of all, we got a truly beautiful final performance from the late great Tony Todd to wrap things up. If it wasn't for Sinners being a damn near flawless movie, Bloodlines would be my current movie of the year candidate without a doubt, and even with Sinners it comes pretty damn close.

Bring Her Back
I feel like it's probably a good sign if an up-and-coming director has an immediately recognizable signature style as early as their second movie, so I've gotta give the Phillippou brothers their due: I was barely five minutes into this one before I went "oh, this is by the same guys who did Talk To Me, isn't it?" Of course, the other reason I have to give them their due is because one of my few criticisms of Talk To Me was that I didn't think it was all that scary, and good fucking god did they take some notes when they were making Bring Her Back. It's not often that a horror movie gets a visceral physical reaction out of me, but... well, suffice to say, probably don't bring any crunchy snacks to this one. I still think I liked Talk To Me better overall, but Bring Her Back absolutely had me on the edge of my seat for the entire second half. One of the tensest, most discomfiting moviegoing experiences I've had in a long time, and I mean that in the best possible way.

Dog Man
Yeah, I know, it's a bit weird ending this list of mostly horror movies off with a Dreamworks adaptation of a children's book series, but it is the most recent movie I watched, so it is what it is. While I haven't read any of the books it's based on, Captain Underpants was one of my favorite book series as a child (at least until my parents decided I was having too much fun with it and banned it, just like they did with every other book series I got super into), so I know enough about Dav Pilkey's comedic style to confidently say Dreamworks more than did him justice.

Aside from the top-tier comedy, though, Dog Man currently has the distinctive honor of being the most recent movie to make me cry like a bitch. Honestly, I'm amazed it got to me as hard as it did - it's certainly not a particularly sad movie or anything, but it just kind of hit me with the exact right message I needed at exactly the right time, delivered in the exact right way. For just a few hours, it felt like someone had physically picked me up and bitch-slapped the cynicism out of my soul, and all I could do for a while was sit there and think "you know what, maybe there actually is beauty and kindness and joy to be found even when the world seems cruel and uncaring". Hell, I just teared up again a little writing that last sentence, so maybe it really was a little more than just the timing that made it resonate with me.



Phew, spent way too much of my day writing out all those reviews that no one's gonna read. Welp, at least I wrote something vaguely of substance for the first time in a while, so I'll take that as a win. Anyway, probably gonna try and keep updating this thread throughout the year as I watch more movies, depending how things go.
 
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"Clown in a Cornfield" sounds like something I'd enjoy.

From almost the very start of my horror journey, I've been a massive Final Destination fan, so you'd better believe I went nuts when I heard they were making a sixth one after all these years.

Hell yeah! It's been forever since I saw a Final Destination movie, but I always enjoy them! The whole premise, "Death sets up a Rube Goldberg Machine to kill someone", is just so oddball but at the same time it works.
 
"Clown in a Cornfield" sounds like something I'd enjoy.

Yeah, it's pretty great. Forgot to mention it during the mini-review, but I think my favorite part was the unique direction it took with the romance subplot.

I'll admit, I fell for it myself - was fully expecting a stock love triangle thing between the generic female protag, the mayor's popular bad-boy son who instantly gravitates to her, and the aloof loner outdoorsy-type guy who warns her away from him, and then the actual relationship going on here becomes clear and I had the exact same "ohhhh, suddenly everything makes a lot more sense" reaction as the rest of the cast.
 
Was going to have a new review up tonight, but unfortunately it's going to have to wait a bit longer, because this is a doozy and I just plain don't have time to finish it and still go to bed at a reasonable hour. I have long since passed the character limit for a single post and I'm still going, because there is just so much fucking stupid to talk about with this one and I can't stop myself.
 
It's been a lot longer than anticipated since my last movie review in this thread, mostly because I haven't had the opportunity to watch any movies until now. To make a long story short, for the last several months I've been dealing with a lovely little medical condition called recurrent corneal erosion, and a few weeks ago I experienced an especially horrible flare-up that I legitimately would not hesitate to name as the most pain I've ever been in in my entire life. Thankfully, I'm finally on the mend and it seems to be actually healing properly this time, so I decided to celebrate by finally heading out to the movies for the first time in over a month. Surely this means I'm coming back to this thread on a positive note, right?

...right?

Skillhouse

Earlier this year, when I first walked out of the theater after seeing Sinners, the foremost thought in my mind was "this is going to be my favorite movie of the year, isn't it?" I knew, of course, that it was way too early in the year to make a declaration like that, and that there was still plenty of time for something even better to come out, but on the other hand, everything about the movie was so unbelievably amazing that I just plain couldn't (and still can't) imagine what could possibly top it.

Skillhouse, by the same token, is the worst horror movie of 2025. Is it still theoretically possible that someone (probably Blumhouse, let's be real) could jump in out of nowhere with an even bigger stinker? Absolutely. Can I currently imagine a worse horror movie than Skillhouse that could possibly come out this year - and for that matter, do I want to? Absolutely fucking not.

Written and directed by Josh Stolberg in what I can only assume was a desperate and frenetic effort to eradicate whatever credibility his career may have gained from Saw X, Skillhouse is a horror thriller about a collection of online influencers being abducted and forced to compete in a deadly game where their continued survival is tied to their follower count, a totally original idea that has definitely never been done before. In keeping with this influencer-centric theme, the film's top-billed actor and arguable star is alleged Tiktok and Youtube celebrity Bryce Hall. In fact, the majority of the movie was filmed inside Sway House, a Bel Air mansion Hall and several of his influencer friends lived in during 2020 before disbanding their group - and where Hall hosted a party in the middle of the COVID lockdown, resulting in the Los Angeles government cutting the power and water to the building and charging Hall with a misdemeanor.

...Yeah, suffice to say, if I had done any research on this movie beforehand beyond scrolling through Fandango and going "ooh, it's been a while since I saw a death game movie", I would not have paid money to go see it. Just one look through Hall's Wikipedia page was enough to confirm he's a grade-A scumbag on just about every possible level.

On the subject of controversy, Skillhouse's biggest-name star is none other than 50 Cent as himself... not that he's in most of the movie. Beyond a slapped-in post-credits scene teasing a possible sequel that will almost definitely never happen, his performance is literally phoned in - which, one can only assume, has some connection to the lawsuit 50 Cent subsequently filed against the movie's producers, claiming that his image was used without a signed agreement or compensation. In my limited research, I haven't been able to find much in the way of actual detail about what he's precisely alleging or how valid it might be, but I will say that Bryce Hall definitely seems like the kind of rocket scientist who would see no potential issues with screwing over a guy whose two biggest claims to fame are "writing songs about murdering people for crossing him" and "not dying after eating nine bullets at point blank range".

Anyway, as for the actual quality of the movie itself... well, the one good thing I'll say about it is that they didn't skimp on the gore. Far too often, terrible horror movies come hand-in-hand with bland PG-13 death scenes, but apparently bringing in the guy who wrote the last three Saw movies paid off a little. Granted, they're still not anywhere near as good as even the worst Saw movie, and the most spectacularly horrific one near the end had me half cringing away from the screen and half going "wait, there's no way in hell skin actually works like that", but at least they put effort into something here.

That effort was clearly not put into the visual design. It took me a solid minute to figure out the movie had actually started, because everything looked so cheap and artificial that I was convinced it had to be some kind of commercial. From scene one, the acting gives off the vibe of a Dhar Mann video - which turns out to be an oddly fitting comparison, as influencer Hannah Stocking (who fills the ever-in-demand role of Girl Whomst Gets Murked Before Opening Credits) currently has her starring role in the 2023 Dhar Mann video "KID PRANKS Babysitter GOES TOO FAR" listed prominently among her acting credits on Wikipedia.

And as for the writing... normally I'd gloss over the specifics to avoid spoiling the movie, but there's so much stupid on display here that I can't resist picking at least some of it apart - and honestly, I don't think anyone in this forum has bad enough taste to care about Skillhouse spoilers. If you do for some ungodly reason, this is your last chance to look away. Got it? Good.

Even on a basic level, Skillhouse's death game concept sucks ass. I drew comparisons earlier to Real Account and to another horror B-movie with a near-identical premise, but at least the authors of those stories understood that you need to throw in actual games and challenges to give the contestants more interesting ways to raise and lower their follower counts, because watching people sit around making social media posts and waiting for their follower numbers to go up is fucking boring. There's barely any game in this death game story - we just listen to these bozos whine at each other until the writer decides enough time has passed, and then one of the non-main characters is picked effectively at random to get dosed with instant-knockout sleepy gas and killed in a thematically fitting manner. And by "thematically fitting", I mean the swimmer girl gets the first half of a thematically fitting death before the killer gets bored and just stabs her midway through, the gamer girl gets put in a discount Saw trap that has nothing to do with video games but is still technically a game (I guess), the totally-not-James-Charles male beauty influencer gets... put in a room with a bunch of swinging blades for some reason, and then the killer gets bored of that gimmick entirely and just makes the main character and the token evil teammate fight to the death.

(Continued in next post because my ranting has already hit the character limit.)
 
In fact, the film is so bored with its own concept that most of the contestants don't even die from having the least followers at the end of a round! Out of the eight contestants who aren't the main character or obvious twist villain, only two of them get killed for meeting the main loss condition of the death game - the beauty influencer is explicitly thrown into his death trap because he tried to call for help, not because he lost, and the other five are killed automatically by their decapitation collars for breaking one of the game's rules and getting disqualified, including two who die before the game even starts (presumably because Stolberg heard that a lot of death games have a disposable character who breaks the rules right away and gets executed to establish the stakes, and so he decided that having two throwaway characters die at the start would make the stakes twice as high).

Oh, by the way, did I say decapitation collars? I meant decapitation collars that change into explosive collars halfway through the movie, because Skillhouse cannot stick to any of its own established ideas for ten minutes, and nowhere is this more apparent than in the plot twists. It genuinely boggles my mind how this film was written by the same writer as any of the Saw movies, because even fucking Jigsaw* has a more coherent and competently-executed plot twist than Skillhouse.

*(Disclaimer: I genuinely love Jigsaw and think the twist ending is really cool, but I will fully admit that it's in spite of the many obvious and ridiculous plotholes and at least partly based in nostalgia for being the first Saw movie I saw on the big screen.)

See, in the final act, it's revealed that Bryce Hall's character faked his death and is the true mastermind behind the game - yes, shockingly, the actor with top billing who was previously suspected of being the very stupidly-named Triller Killer and has generally been built up as a super-important character was not, in fact, killed off unceremoniously two-thirds of the way through the movie in a conspicuously quick and non-gory fashion. As it turns out, the entire game was part of his grand plan to not only amass an even greater social media following by becoming the sole survivor of a livestreamed death game, but to pin the influencer murders (and by extension, the previous murder of his more-popular influencer sister) on the protagonist, rigging the game to make him look as suspicious as possible!

And by rigging the game, I mean apparently being god, because so many parts of Bryce's plan are dependent on people acting the exact way he wants them to at the exact right time. Some less charitable souls might point out that this should not be a shock coming from a Saw writer, but there are two important differences here. One, Saw has Tobin fucking Bell playing its villain, a man with more charisma and stage presence at 82 than every actor in this movie has combined. And two, no matter how absurd some of Jigsaw's predictions and backup plans can be, the vast majority of them boil down to him understanding the personalities of his targets and planning around how they're likely to act in whatever controlled situation he puts them in. Conversely, here are a few of the things that need to happen in order for Bryce Hall's plan to go off as intended:

  • Fabulously wealthy and world-famous rapper 50 Cent agrees for unspecified reasons to help some pasty white boy kidnap and murder a bunch of influencers, up to and including donating an entire mansion he owns, physically going out and kidnapping all the influencers while driving a rare and immediately identifiable car, and recording a video of him explaining the rules of the game to said influencers (but also recording it in such a way that if the gamer girl technobabbles her way into recreating the unedited version of the video, it'll look like he was actually recording an audition for what he thought was a movie script, for no apparent reason other than to fake out the audience about his involvement).
  • Via some unspecified computer virus, every influencer in the game has their follower count reset to zero on a major social media platform - except for the protag, who keeps all his millions of followers. The protag never mentions this to anyone, nor do any of the people watching the death game notice or comment on how the game is very obviously rigged in his favor.
  • Said Tiktok stand-in with hundreds of millions of users doesn't shut down or attempt to revert any of these obviously hacked accounts, nor do they take down any of the livestream videos that are clearly breaking their terms of service... right up until it looks like the only non-protag contestant left might win the game, at which point her account is instantly nuked for a TOS violation and her collar kills her in the exact right place and time to make it look like the protag did it somehow.
  • The protag and the token evil player have their big fight on a staircase next to a cache of bladed weapons and also one (1) ordinary hammer. The protag grabs the hammer midway through the fight, then winds up on the back foot and falls down the stairs into the exact right position where he's mostly out of view of the cameras. Said evil player also conveniently dropped her phone in that exact spot earlier into the fight, despite having previously killed another player by throwing their phone out of bounds and thus being very keenly aware of the rule that you're instantly disqualified if you lose or break your phone. Right as the token evil player is about to kill him, protag remembers that his Special Tiktoker Power is that he got famous for smashing stuff with a hammer, and promptly smashes her phone with a hammer just out of view of the camera, causing it to look like the evil player was about to win and then suddenly got killed by her collar for no reason.
Okay, just for a moment, let's be super generous and assume the actual mechanics of this plan make sense. Maybe the Tiktok knock-off platform is in on it - if having enough followers lets you get a slap on the wrist for filming the body of a suicide victim or livestreaming inside a public restroom, maybe it can also get you permission to co-opt the entire platform for a murder game. Maybe Hall s outright rigging the votes and killing off whoever he wants - if he has enough access to reduce everyone's follower counts to zero, it wouldn't be totally out of the realm of possibility that he can tweak those numbers more subtly throughout the game to put any player of his choice in last place. Maybe 50 Cent invested his entire net worth in a crypto rug pull, or accidentally ordered 50,000 diamond-encrusted human skulls off eBay, and now he's in dire enough financial straits to go along with this murder scheme. For the sake of argument, let's pretend this is a solid, well thought-out scheme that will definitely realistically succeed at making the protag the fall guy for Bryce Hall's crimes.

HE ALREADY HAS A FUCKING FALL GUY.

See, while Bryce Hall's character is the mastermind, the role of the actual masked killer for much of the movie is performed by veteran actor Neal McDonough, explained in the finale to be a special effects technician being paid millions by Hall to assist him with the murders... and then, immediately after this reveal, Hall betrays and kills him for the explicitly stated reason that he obviously needs someone to take the fall for being the killer.

THEN WHY. DO YOU NEED. THE FUCKING. PROTAGONIST?!?!?!?!? You already have a corpse who's directly connected to all your murder gear, you probably have his fingerprints all over the place because I don't recall him wearing gloves, and you almost definitely have camera footage of him threatening the players at gunpoint while unmasked! Just make him the patsy, not some random Christian Youtuber whose "smashing stuff with a hammer" channel definitely does not generate enough revenue to pay for all this shit!

And you know what the best part is? This is only the second-dumbest plot twist in the movie.

(Whoops, broke the character limit again, just one more post I swear.)
 
You see, throughout the film, there are occasional cutaways to a girl implied via onscreen text messages to be a friend or girlfriend of the protag. She watches the murder stream in her room, does some online detective work to figure out where the game is taking place, and when the police don't take her call seriously, she drives out to the mansion herself to save the day. Naturally, she arrives right at the end of the movie as Hall and the protag are fighting each other, just in the nick of time to pick up Hall's dropped gun and shoot... the protag. Because, as the epilogue scene reveals, she was actually Hall's secret lover and was in on the plan from the start.

...Look. I'm not going to say that you can't have a viewpoint character keep secrets from the audience. Glass Onion and (in my opinion, though I know this one's divisive) Danganronpa V3 both pull it off with aplomb, deliberately framing their shots and writing their dialogue in such a specific way as to heavily imply something different than what's really going on, only for the big reveal to turn everything the audience thought they knew on its head and give an entirely different meaning to everything that happened prior. It's hard to do, but when it's done right it's fantastic.

The key word there is imply. They omit or gloss over certain details and lead the audience in a specific direction, but they don't outright lie to the audience. They certainly do not have a character go through all the steps of solving the mystery in the privacy of her own room where no one except the audience is watching her, call the police for help in her driveway where no one except the audience is watching her, anxiously keep tabs on the murder stream while driving in her car where no one except the audience is watching her, and then go "no actually she was working with the killer all along," because that would imply you're a fucking idiot with zero respect for your audience!

But then again, I don't think respect for the audience was ever a priority for this movie. It seems to me like the purpose of this project was never to make a remotely enjoyable piece of fiction, or to make money, or even to be a so-bad-it's-good piece of schlock for gorehounds to get an hour and a half of giggles out of. The purpose of this movie was to be one big ego trip for Bryce Hall - to put him center-stage, to let him live out a power fantasy of being an omniscient, unbeatable super-genius death game mastermind, and above all else, to give him an excuse to strut around his flashy Bel Air mansion and envision a world where he didn't cause the collapse of his whole Youtuber group in under a year by being a perpetually irresponsible and unlikeable dicknozzle. Maybe I'm exaggerating on that last point, but considering the Sway House is credited by name in the opening credits as if the building itself is a leading actor, I don't feel like I'm making too much of a leap here.

So there you have it. Skillhouse is a garbage movie made to prop up a garbage person, and barring Blumhouse coming off the top rope with a steel chair (the steel chair in this metaphor being Imaginary 2 or something), it will likely reign undisputed as the single worst horror movie I've seen in 2025. Don't spend money on it. You're welcome.
 
Alright, new week, new movie review - not that I'm planning for this to be a weekly thing, it's just probably gonna be that way for a bit while there's a bunch of summer movies coming out that I want to see. Obviously, last week's review was... a bit of a doorstop, to say the least, but I'm confident this one's going to be much shorter. After all, there's no way this week's movie could be anywhere near as irredeemably abysmal as Skillhouse, right?

...right?

Nah, I'm just fucking with you, this one was great.

I Know What You Did Last Summer (2025)

Normally I wouldn't bother including the release year in the title, but given I do sometimes go back and review older movies I've just watched for the first time this year, I figured I should be clear up front that I'm not talking about the original slasher classic from 1997. In much the same vein as 2018's Halloween, the new I Know What You Did Last Summer isn't a reboot or remake, but a distant future sequel with the actors from the original (Jennifer Love Hewitt, Freddie Prinze Jr.. and a few other surprise cameos) reprising their roles as older, jaded versions of their characters serving as de-facto mentors to the new cast. Also much like 2018's Halloween, it isn't afraid to ignore any of the dumber plot developments from the old sequels, so fans can rest assured we are once again dealing with a living flesh-and-blood Fisherman instead of an inexplicable magical zombie.

In terms of formula, the movie follows the original framework pretty closely: a bunch of drunk college students cause the death of a stranger in a recklessness-induced car accident, which they agree (with varying degrees of reluctance) to cover up and never speak of again. One year later, the guilt-stricken main character returns to her hometown, only for her and her friends to start getting ominous letters from a mysterious hook-wielding fisherman who Knows What They Did Last Summer, putting them in a race against time to identify their slicker-clad stalker before they wind up on a Long John Silver's dollar menu.

(Note to self: should probably look up whether Long John Silver's has a dollar menu before I post this.)

Having recently rewatched the original IKWYDLS in preparation, it was hard not to notice just how chock-full the movie is with callbacks and familiar setpieces - sometimes to its detriment. While the fanservice does land more than it flops (at least for me), it's definitely one of those movies that feels like it's constantly straddling the line between "affectionate nod to the original" and "HEY LOOK IT'S THAT THING FROM THE MOVIE YOU LIKED, ISN'T IT CLEVER THAT WE DID THE THING FROM THE MOVIE YOU LIKED AGAIN?" That said, it does make some interesting improvements to the original's formula, including making the protagonists more sympathetic and likeable overall, changing the intial car accident scene to make it more of a genuine accident and less of an outright murder, and most importantly of all, making the main character a canonically kinky bisexual (which, in my extremely biased opinion, should be grounds for an Oscar nomination in and of itself).

Is it a perfect movie? God no, not by any means - the dialogue is constantly giving the vibes of 40-something screenwriters making assumptions about what Kids These Days talk like, and the ending takes some pretty silly turns that lead to the film ending on a painfully corny note. But let's be real: if it wasn't corny as hell, would it really be I Know What You Did Last Summer? If you're looking for a good, fun, no-frills slasher movie to kill two hours with this year... honestly, Heart Eyes is probably still your best pick, but this one's a relatively close second. Solid 7/10, and I'd personally bump it up to an 8/10 soley by virtue of it not being fucking Skillhouse.
 
Brace yourself, there's probably gonna be two new reviews here this weekend. Finally arranged a time on Sunday to go catch Superman with my dad, but before that, got another random horror movie I'm gonna check out tomorrow night.
 
Okay, so update, the plan to catch two movies this weekend turned out to be off by a factor of one. My intention was to catch a schlocky-looking horror movie called The Home on Friday night, but apparently sometimes Fandango decides to just fucking lie about showtimes, so I got dropped off at the theater just in time to learn that the screening I was there for didn't exist and the next one wasn't until way later at night than I could manage. At least they gave me a free popcorn for the inconvenience, which I got to eat while waiting a full half-hour in the lobby until I could arrange for someone to pick me up ahead of schedule.

So with that plan scuppered, I guess that just leaves the movie I did manage to successfully catch.

Superman (2025)

...Not gonna lie, I feel like this is gonna be a hard one to review. Not because I didn't like it - it's every bit as incredible as everyone says - but because I suck at talking about movies I actually love. Maybe it's all those formative years spent growing up in the era of amateur Youtube critics nitpicking stuff to hell and back, but while I can go on for literal hours breaking down everything I don't like about a bad movie in excruciating detail (see: Skillhouse), when it comes time to talk about what I do like about a good movie, my brain goes completely blank and I just mumble some vague stuff about likeable characters or a clever plot twist or whatever comes to mind. Hell, my Sinners review boiled down to "go listen to someone smarter than me talk about why this movie is great because I don't think I can do it justice".

Still, I feel obligated to at least give it a shot, so let's just get the obvious out of the way: this is hands-down the best big-screen depiction of Superman in decades. Like, maybe my frame of reference is skewed because I'm more of a casual comics fan and most of my Superman movie experience is with the Snyder version, but it's been so goddamn long since we had a version of Superman that felt anywhere near this human. Every scene he's in, every choice he makes, it all drives home again and again what Superman really is at his core: not an invincible alien demigod whose strength should be feared, not a clumsy Christ allegory too good for this sinful earth, but simply an unfailingly kind man who, no matter how often he doubts himself or makes the wrong decision in the moment, will always be motivated by a genuine desire to help everyone he can.

If it was just Superman himself captured so perfectly, that would already be praiseworthy, but the supporting cast is every bit as sterling as the leading man. Lois finally gets a proper chance to show off her reporting chops and shine as an equal partner to Superman in her own way, Jimmy proves a capable sidekick and loyal friend (while still very much being comic relief), Pa Kent delivers a truly magnificent speech on parenthood and purpose that I can only hope has his Snyderverse equivalent stewing in his grave, and while I don't personally know enough about most of the other superheroes in the film to talk on how they were depicted*, Guy Gardener is definitely done justice as a shameless, obnoxious asshole who nevertheless proves his willingness to put his money where his mouth is when lives are on the line.

*(That being said, Edi Gathegi's performance as Mister Terrific is top-tier despite me knowing jack shit about the character before coming in.)

And of course, far and above anyone else, Nicholas Hoult steals the show as the single most hateable and monstrous depiction of Lex Luthor in cinematic history. The usual calculating, charismatic presence of Luthor is eschewed here, and that's very evidently a feature, not a bug. Just as every one of Superman's scenes drive in his kindness as the core of his character, every one of Luthor's scenes are purpose-built to emphasize what he truly is under all the wealth and power: a petty, spiteful wretch of a man so utterly infuriated and bewildered by the idea of power being used selflessly that he's willing to throw away trillions of dollars and tear the world apart just to put a stop to it. Just as Superman exemplifies the best parts of humanity, Hoult's Luthor is the embodiment of the worst our world has to offer.

That, of course, brings us to the reason why a lot of humanity's worst have taken particular offense to this film: the strong, smoothly-executed political commentary. Between the illegal detention center where political undesirables are held without trial in transparent cube-shaped cells (which, if one were to stretch a bit, might be compared to ice cubes), the unnecessarily violent arrest scene where one of the arresting officers smugly tells Superman that due process doesn't apply to aliens, the genocidal foreign president who boasts of his country's long-term alliance with the US and proudly declares his intent to annihilate his neighbors and seize their land using weapons from his American allies, and of course, the constant overbearing presence of a tech billionaire who sucks shit on every conceivable level, many of the evils Superman faces in the movie feel like they've been drawn less from comic books and more from the front page of newspaper. Compared to the MCU's latest foray into political commentary being more along the lines of "we should be nice to the president even if he did lots of crimes and also the IDF is awesome", it's a refreshingly incisive direction for the film to take.

I could probably go on a while longer about all the different elements that come together to make this movie as incredible as it is, but it's getting late and I really don't want to go over the character limit and have to make a second post, so I'm gonna try to cut it short and say that ultimately, so much of what's good about Gunn's Superman boils down to how earnestly hopeful it is. No snarky self-referential jokes about how dumb superhero tropes are, no cynical message about how Superman's ideology could never cut it in the real world, just a heartfelt reminder that even in the bleak times we're all going through right now, there will always be hope and the opportunity to be kind - to do better. Because no matter how the rich and powerful may try to shout us down, to insist cruelty is the only way the world can function, we can do better than this.

10/10 movie, upgraded to 11/10 by virtue of not being fucking Skillhouse (and yes, I'm probably going to keep doing this bit with every movie I review for the rest of the year.) I still think Sinners is going to wind up being my favorite movie of the year, but this was an incredibly close second.
 
Oh wow I'm suddenly doing a lot of these. Sometimes summer release schedules can be a blessing and a curse, I guess. Anyway, time for more horror!

Together

Real quick tangent: it always low-key annoys me when movies name themselves after a single common word. It's bad enough that Disney's trying to copyright the entire English language bit by bit through an endless series of bland glurgefests, we don't need genres I actually like jumping on the "let's make our movie slightly more obnoxious to look up online" bandwagon. Yes I know my favorite movie franchise of all time is called Saw and I'm being a giant hypocrite SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!

Quibbles about the name aside, Together has been one of the more heavily advertised horror movies of the year (albeit thankfully not nearly to the same infuriatingly inescapable level as 2024's Speak No Evil), and considering my favorite movie of last year was also an artsy body horror flick with a small cast and heavy symbolism, I couldn't not give this one a try. The movie stars Dave Franco and Alison Brie (who I am just now learning while writing this are married in real life) as a newly-engaged couple with a rocky relationship who move to a small, isolated countryside community. Naturally, not even a full 24 hours have passed before they make the most "white people in a horror movie" decision possible and drink from a creepy-looking ritual pool in a dilapidated underground chapel they fell into while hiking, infecting them with a mysterious supernatural force that attempts to draw their bodies together and merge them into a single organism.

So, to cut to the chase: is the movie good? Yes, definitely. Did I like the movie?

...Ehh, kind of?

I genuinely do not understand why Together never clicked for me. On paper, so many of the pieces to create something I would have loved are in place here, but in practice, I walked out thinking "yeah that was okay I guess". The body horror aspect works brilliantly to build tension in the first half of the movie, sending you into panic mode every time Franco and Brie make any kind of physical contact as you wonder what, if anything, is going to get glued together this time - and absolutely making you squirm in your seat whenever something does get stuck - but once the merging starts in earnest, the obvious CGI effects feel like a major step down compared to what came before. The subtext is about as blunt as The Substance, drawing clear parallels throughout between the semi-toxic codependent relationship our leads are trapped in and the magical phenomenon making it literally impossible for them to separate for any length of time... except while The Substance used its over-the-top symbolism to brilliant effect in one of the most visceral skewerings of Hollywood ageism and impossible female beauty standards ever put to film, Together never really felt to me like it had anything more incisive to say about codependency than "yep, it sure is a thing that exists".

Honestly, the fact that this movie is sitting at a 90% on Rotten Tomatoes right now is bewildering to me - not in like a snobby "how could those mouth-breathing fools possibly enjoy such dreck?" way, but more in a genuinely curious "what are so many people seeing in this movie that I'm not?" way. Most of the reviews I checked talk about how incredible the romance is between the two leads, and it was fine for me but it never felt all that amazing. Maybe I just don't have enough real-world romantic experience for any of this stuff to resonate with me, or maybe I need to accept that something about my brain just does not gel with the vast majority of romance stories. Whatever the reason for the disconnect, when it comes to romance/horror fusion movies of 2025, I'll still be sticking with Heart Eyes.

(Also it's one of those where like 90% of the best scenes are in the trailer, so that might be part of it too.)

6/10 for me, upgraded to 7/10 by virtue of not being fucking Skillhouse.
 
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Okay, had a heck of a time with this review. Started writing it last night, and then I accidentally closed the tab and lost everything when I tried to go back to it, so I figured I'd just take a break to cool off and recreate it the next day, except now everything I wrote is back somehow? Not sure how that works, but I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth!

Weapons

Another heavily-anticipated big-name horror movie of 2025, this one coming from Zach Cregger - who, between writing 2022 horror hit Barbarian (which I haven't seen myself but have heard was amazing) and producing Companion earlier this year, has a short but impressive track record with the genre. Reportedly, Jordan Peele got into a multi-million dollar bidding war to produce this one, and was allegedly so furious when he failed to secure the rights that he fired his whole management team. So, now that the movie's actually out, was Weapons the kind of once-in-a-lifetime screenplay worthy of ending careers over?

...Honestly, not quite?. Don't get me wrong, it's an awesome movie and I loved it from start to finish, but I already get the feeling this is going to be the Longlegs of 2025: a horror movie that is legitimately brilliant and praiseworthy in its own right, but is probably going to get a fair amount of hate from disappointed people who were expecting something different and feel like it was overhyped.

As stated in the trailer, on the poster, and in the very first scene of the movie, the plot of Weapons centers around a mysterious event wherein seventeen children (all from the same elementary school class) simultaneously wake up in the middle of the night and run away from home, vanishing without a trace. When the police fail to turn up any concrete evidence connecting the teacher of said class to the incident (and, presumably, give Tiktok a quick once-over to make sure the Run Away Into The Darkness At Exactly 2:17 AM And Never Come Back Challenge hasn't gone viral), the father of one of the missing children begins his own investigation to prove the teacher's guilt, while the teacher simultaneously searches for a lead on her missing pupils and a way to clear her name.

Going into this movie, one of the comparisons I heard floating around was to Magnolia, and from what I know of that movie's it kind of tracks. Rather than focus on a single main character, Weapons splits the bulk of its runtime into six vignettes of varying length that each focus on a different resident of Maybrook, showing their actions, independent investigations, and day-to-day struggles in the lead-up to a big final encounter where everyone's paths intersect for better or for worse. It kinda reminds me of a "golden ending" visual novel in effect, drip-feeding the audience clues about the overarching mystery with each route that the characters will ultimately have to put together in the endgame... though much like one of those VNs, there's definitely some paths that only give you the vaguest hint at what's truly going on and other paths that suddenly drop massive game-changing reveals out of nowhere.

It's an engaging plot overall, but I think if there's any one element that people are going to be very love-it-or-hate-it about, it's the resolution. I'm going to try to talk about it with as few actual spoilers as possible, but as much as I personally liked the antagonist, their introduction does come a bit out of left field, and I think most people going to see this one are going to have a very different expectation of the mystery's solution than what actually winds up happening. Most of all, the ending of the film is... not bad by any stretch of the imagination, but kind of abrupt and surprisingly comedic compared to everything that comes before.

I know it sounds like I'm dogging on this movie, but I swear to god, I genuinely loved it - it's just very different than I (and probably a lot of other people) thought it would be going in, and I'm seeing the Longlegs hype backlash from last year flashing before my eyes all over again, and i really don't want that to happen. If you're going to see it, I highly recommend you keep an open mind - despite all the fancy marketing, Weapons is by no means an "elevated horror" movie. There's no big, obvious social commentary to it, it's just the story of some weird shit happening in a small town, and sometimes that can be just as fun to watch.

8/10, upgraded to 9/10 by virtue of not being fucking Skillhouse.
 
Feeling bummed out because my stream went poorly, so figured now's a great time for a two-for-one review special! Normally I try to space out my movie nights a bit more, but actually wound up catching two movies over the weekend - one at home Saturday night, and one at the theater Sunday afternoon. And boy oh boy, did we hit both ends of the quality spectrum with this one!

The War of the Worlds (2025)

As anyone this far into the thread probably recalls, when I wrote my multi-post review of Skillhouse, I said I was already prepared to call it the worst movie of the year simply because I couldn't imagine anything that possibly could be worse. And now, having watched Amazon Prime's recently-released and widely-panned adaptation of the H. G. Wells classic... okay, no, I still definitely hate Skillhouse way more, but this one still sucks.

Let's get the one positive point out of the way first: I genuinely think the movie's framing device has potential, and I can kind of see the vision behind it. It goes without saying that when people think of War of the Worlds, they think of the legendary Orson Welles radio adaptation that created unintentional mass panic by telling the story via a series of fictitious news broadcasts. In contrast, the 2025 movie is shot as an Unfriended-esque screen recording of a high-level DHS agent's computer as he gathers intelligence on the alien invasion and helps to coordinate a counter-offensive. It's definitely an oddball choice that causes its share of problems - chiefly, keeping the main character bound to a desk for 99% of what's clearly trying to be a high-octane turn-your-brain-off action movie - but I can still sort of see the conceptual parallels of telling the story from the viewpoint of someone observing the action from afar in real time, even if the execution is a flop.

And good fucking god is the execution a complete flop. The plot is insane and riddled with gaping holes from start to finish, the main character (played by Ice Cube of all people) is painfully unlikeable, and the product placement goes well beyond blatant and straight into the entire movie feeling like an elaborate 90=minute Amazon ad. I'm not even going to try to pick apart this thing and explain why it's bad. I'm just going to share, entirely without commentary, a list of events and plot points in this movie, and then I'll let you draw your own conclusions:
  • One of the first scenes in the movie is Ice Cube using the unbridled power of the most comprehensive and intrusive surveiilance states in human hstory to hack his adult daughter's fridge and bitch her out for not eating enough protein.
  • One of the main characters is an Amazon delivery driver, whose job proves instrumental to saving not only Ice Cube's daughter's life, but the entire human race.
  • A subplot revolves around the manhunt for a mysterious super-hacker. Ice Cube eventually identifies him by reversing the voice-changer effect on one of his recorded messages, which it appears he could have done at any time but just didn't think to try until now.
  • The president just unironically looks into the camera at one point and says something along the lines of "for the sake of humanity, we must win this War of the Worlds!"
  • The aliens are on Earth because they want to eat our data, which is a finite resource apparently. They stick their big wiggly mecha-tentacles into a bunch of data centers and just start slurping up all the data, and it makes all the military's tanks and planes stop working instantly because you can't fly a plane without data.
  • Literally every time a character criticizes government surveillance, they specifically mention the government "snooping on people's Amazon carts" as their go-to example of horrific and unwarranted overreach into the private lives of civilians.
  • The final act of the movie has the heroes racing against time to kill the aliens before an incoming bomber squadron levels Washington DC under the orders of Ice Cube's evil boss, because the movie immediately forgot the plot point about all the planes crashing without any data.
  • In what is presumably meant to be a tragic, serious emotional moment, the aliens eat Ice Cube's dead wife's Facebook page.
  • You know how in basically every version of War of the Worlds, the aliens are ultimately defeated not by being outfought or overpowered by the humans, but by exposure to simple Earth pathogens they don't have any immunity to? Yeah, in this version the main characters bullshit together an anti-alien plot virus that they ship to Ice Cube with an Amazon delivery drone so he can make all the aliens explode.
  • During the climax, the drone carrying the plot MacGuffin is knocked to the ground by the aliens and lands on its back. Thankfully, it lands next to a homeless man with a functioning smartphone who can be bribed with a $1000 Amazon gift card to flip the drone back over.
  • Having saved the world, the protagonists naturally receive the highest honor to which any American hero can aspire: a congratulatory tweet from Joe Rogan.
So, with all that laid out, why do I still think Skillhouse is worse? Well, to put it simply, what it lacks in actual quality it makes up for in being downright hilarious to watch with friends or family who know what they're signing up for. I threw it on for my dad as an impromptu "bad movie night", and we had an absolute blast riffing on it from start to finish, so I can't genuinely say I regret the time I spent watching it. If that sounds like your cup of tea, then by all means grab some drunken friends and give it a shot - but if not, steer clear.

1/10, upgraded to 2/10 by virtue of not being fucking Skillhouse.

The Naked Gun (2025)

Moving from a same-named remake to a same-named sequel, we have The Naked Gun, a distant-future soft-reboot of one of the greatest comedy movies ever made! I was hyped for this one from the moment they announced Liam Neeson would be the new Frank Drebin - one of the most central sources of the original movie's comedy was Leslie Nielsen's ability to act as a totally serious character even while saying and doing the most ridiculous things, and Nielsen himself was originally famous for playing serious tough-guy leading roles, so casting someone with a similar background felt like a promising sign.

So, did it live up to the hype? Well, reviews in my theater seemed to be mixed... by which I mean that my dad absolutely hated it and thought it was one of the worst movies he'd ever seen, but me and the entire rest of the audience were laughing our heads off from start to finish. There's admittedly a few jokes that didn't quite land for me, and certain parts of the ending felt like they fell a bit flat compared to the climax of the original, but overall they did an incredible job of not only capturing most of Zucker, Abrahams, and Zucker's deadpan comedic style, but putting their own modernized spin on the formula. It's not a spot-on match, but I don't think anyone realistically expected it would be, and I feel like they got better results by going their own way here and there than they would have if they'd gone the full nostalgia-pandering route.

...Which, in hindsight, is probably why my dad hated it so much. I guess that's my whole review summed up for me right there: if you're coming into this looking for them to do everything exactly the same as Nielsen would have done it and any deviation from that will be a negative for you, then just do yourself a favor and watch the original Naked Gun at home instead. If you're a fan of the original but willing to accept that a different cast, director, writing team, and release century is going to result in a different movie, or you're just looking for a good parody movie in general, you're going to have the time of your life.

9/10, upgraded to 10/10 by virtue of not being fucking Skillhouse. If nothing else, see it so you can watch Liam Neeson punch an alpha-male tech billionaire so hard he cries.
 
Wow, it's been a while since the last one of these, huh? Technically I did watch Shin Godzilla somewhere in there, I just didn't think it was fair to review it because I was recovering from another eye injury flare-up at the time and couldn't read any of the subtitles - only reason I went was because I bought the tickets in advance to go with my dad and I knew he wouldn't go without me. Anyway, you know what else is coming back after a long break this time of year? FOOTBALL! Real football, specifically, not the weird loser bitch-baby kind you Europeans have where a bunch of people run around a ball and pretend to fall down for 90 minutes and then the game ends 1-0. Let's watch a movie about that!

Him

Oh, come on. I know I already bitched about the single-common-word title trend back in my Together review, but using a pronoun is just fucking obnoxious. What's next, definite articles? Am I going to have to review a horror movie called "The" next year?

Annoyingly hard-to-Google title aside, Him is a rare genre combination of sports movie and horror movie, centered around an up-and-coming rookie named Cameron who suffers a career-endangering brain injury after being attacked by a man in a mascot costume. With his prospects on the line, he receives a once-in-a-lifetime offer from legendary football superstar Isaiah White, who wants to personally train him as a potential successor at his private desert compound. Cam, of course, jumps on the chance to learn from his childhood idol, only to find himself increasingly unnerved by Isaiah's bizarre and dangerous training methods, his horde of obsessive and unstable fans, and his steadfast belief that one can only become truly great at football if they're willing to sacrifice everything in the name of victory.

Him is a movie with a lot to say about the culture and industry of professional football - though how well it says it may be up for debate, especially as things take a hard right turn into the surreal in the final 20-30 minutes. From the very start of the film, we see a young Cam watching on TV as Isaiah suffers a graphic, bloody, bone-shattering injury in the process of making a game-winning play, his father encouraging him to keep watching and telling him that this is the ideal of manhood he should aspire towards - that "real men make sacrifices". The commentary doesn't get much kinder from there - comparisons are frequently drawn between football and gladiatorial combat, hedonistic parties and adoring groupies are deployed almost strategically to entice Cam back into the fold whenever the brutality becomes too much for him, and by the time the movie reaches its spectacularly bloody finale, it's clear that the true villain is not Isaiah himself, but the very system that made him what he became.

Honestly, I'm surprised this one's tanking in the reviews as badly as it is, because I really quite enjoyed it. It's got its flaws, certainly - the pacing can be inconsistent, dragging in the first part of the movie before slamming down the accelerator for the finale, and said finale definitely feels like a major departure from everything that came before it. I've seen a lot of people accusing it of being style without substance, and that's true to an extent, but there's definitely a fair bit of substance to be found if you're looking for it, and more than enough style to make up for what it's lacking. Overall, Him definitely isn't reaching the lofty heights of Sinners or Weapons, but I'd still personally say it's a fun enough ride to be worth the watch. Can see it being hit or miss on whether you enjoy it, but you'll damn sure remember it.

7/10, upgraded to 8/10 by virtue of not being fucking Skillhouse.
 
"Him" sounds interesting. Sounds completely different than what I was expecting, based on what you're saying about it. (plus the previews were confusing as fuck :P)
 
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